You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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