If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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