So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
