I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
