you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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