P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
