So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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