How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
