fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
