I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
did you just send me my own nude
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
