Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
false alarm. still invincible.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
