I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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