I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
