I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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