are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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