chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
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I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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