I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
