he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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