PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You're like the curious george of whores
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
