i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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