the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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