My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
