my vag is so smooth its legendary
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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