I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
