I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
