Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
