but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
