I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
