We're facebook friends in real life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
