Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
