My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
