Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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