Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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