do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
