Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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