apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
