I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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