I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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