we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
