I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
