I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
