I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
