If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
