you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Houston, we have a squirter
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
