Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
