Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
