Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
