afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
