i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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