Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
