I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
