Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
