i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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