I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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