nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
