This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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