It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
