For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
