yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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