last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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