Where is the hickey?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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