He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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