I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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