It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
