I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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