I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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