***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
