New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
