i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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