you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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