Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
