Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
