How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
