I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
